So, in the space of a week I seem to have managed to screw up with two of my friends. Dresdener is now no longer talking to me after I told him he was an arsehole for two reasons. The first was being absolutely horrible to me and telling me to "Go away and leave him alone" - auf ENGLISCH - in front of five people. The second was for cheating on his girlfriend so openly in public. Apparently I'm not allowed to say that - despite him having said we were friends/roommates. Surely a friend is allowed to say that what you're doing is wrong? Apparently not and now we are no longer speaking. Those of you in the know may think I'm being jealous, but I'm not. Having seen the effect of cheating first hand (see - Jackz's parents going through horrific break-up), I wanted to say how bad it was. Queue him being even more open this Barabend, much to the horror of most people there. Finally, I realise, he just is not worth it. At all.
Then last night I screw up with the Keksemonster. We were chatting about everything. I told her all about Dresdener, she all about Grungey. Now, things had gone a turn for the worse between the two and we all assumed that she knew he had a new lady friend. Apparently not. I felt like such a bitch, Keksemonster looked so upset. I honestly thought she knew; as I then found out everybody thought she knew. She looked devastated. After she left (hour and a hour convo, longest I've ever heard her speak), she came back five minutes later, doubting everything Grungey had ever said to her. I told her I had been the same, and said if he couldn't appreciate her for her he wasn't worth it (how many times have I heard that this week?). I hope to God that for her whole trip to Italy, she is not thinking about this. I would hate myself if I found out she had a terrible time due to me telling her this.
It's weird to see how the truth can do amazingly different things between people.
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Pre V-Day rage. Finally the blog gets vaguely serious. Vaguely.
So enough with the making fun of a certain person who shall remain nameless. It's now time to rage at something she has done and I today found out a friend of mine was planning to do. The name of the game is getting engaged.
Now what has pissed me off about the way people are doing this nowadays, I hear you cry? Surely I should be grateful people even want to get married, seeing as in modern politics it is made better to be apart than single. Especially as divorce rates are so high, [something I now know first hand, cheers warring parents], people want to take this risk. Well, I am immensely happy for people who get engaged [when I like them that is], but it's the way people are doing it that bugs me. Long gone are the days of getting down on one knee and proposing. Now, people prefer to discuss it with each other, almost as if it is something which needs to be discussed as though it is a business deal. There is no formal asking, more an assumption that you will get married one day. Today, my old friend, Hannah P., informed me she would have big news "but not right now." After much guessing [well, after two guesses], I found out that she and her boyfriend were planning on getting engaged. He hadn't asked her, it was a mutual decision. Is it me, or is that totally unromantic? I know everyone's favourite couple also "just knew" they would get married one day, but he never outright asked her. They both just knew they'd get married one day. While a lovely sentiment, surely it would have been better if he had actually asked her properly [and bought her a better ring, but that's personal taste, or lack thereof].
If I ever have someone who would actually like to marry me [one ex bit too obsessed with possibility of marriage, now with ex-best friend and one who never thought he would get married - ever. Go me.] I'd like it to be done properly. That means none of this discussion bullshit. I would actually like a man to surprise me with the fact he thinks we could actually get married and make it work and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And to be cliche and get down on one knee and propose to me. To see how discussion proposal fails, I refer you to Sex and the City: The Movie. Utterly fail Big and Carrie discussing how it makes sense to marry. Better version, see the SATC episode "Hop, Skip and a Week", where Harry spontaenously proposes to Charlotte at the Jewish singles mixer. Much better, much more loving. As is Miranda's proposal to Steve over $3 beers in "The Ick Factor" [just disregard his affair in the first film].
Meh. This rage was also brought on more by the fact that the Dresdener only appears to want Josh's company in what now has become Barbeabend. That and this will be the first Valentine's Day in four years with no proper Valentine. Saz does count, but y'know what I actually mean. Doesn't help I'm Astra-emoing about how my love life is epic fail as of now.
Now what has pissed me off about the way people are doing this nowadays, I hear you cry? Surely I should be grateful people even want to get married, seeing as in modern politics it is made better to be apart than single. Especially as divorce rates are so high, [something I now know first hand, cheers warring parents], people want to take this risk. Well, I am immensely happy for people who get engaged [when I like them that is], but it's the way people are doing it that bugs me. Long gone are the days of getting down on one knee and proposing. Now, people prefer to discuss it with each other, almost as if it is something which needs to be discussed as though it is a business deal. There is no formal asking, more an assumption that you will get married one day. Today, my old friend, Hannah P., informed me she would have big news "but not right now." After much guessing [well, after two guesses], I found out that she and her boyfriend were planning on getting engaged. He hadn't asked her, it was a mutual decision. Is it me, or is that totally unromantic? I know everyone's favourite couple also "just knew" they would get married one day, but he never outright asked her. They both just knew they'd get married one day. While a lovely sentiment, surely it would have been better if he had actually asked her properly [and bought her a better ring, but that's personal taste, or lack thereof].
If I ever have someone who would actually like to marry me [one ex bit too obsessed with possibility of marriage, now with ex-best friend and one who never thought he would get married - ever. Go me.] I'd like it to be done properly. That means none of this discussion bullshit. I would actually like a man to surprise me with the fact he thinks we could actually get married and make it work and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And to be cliche and get down on one knee and propose to me. To see how discussion proposal fails, I refer you to Sex and the City: The Movie. Utterly fail Big and Carrie discussing how it makes sense to marry. Better version, see the SATC episode "Hop, Skip and a Week", where Harry spontaenously proposes to Charlotte at the Jewish singles mixer. Much better, much more loving. As is Miranda's proposal to Steve over $3 beers in "The Ick Factor" [just disregard his affair in the first film].
Meh. This rage was also brought on more by the fact that the Dresdener only appears to want Josh's company in what now has become Barbeabend. That and this will be the first Valentine's Day in four years with no proper Valentine. Saz does count, but y'know what I actually mean. Doesn't help I'm Astra-emoing about how my love life is epic fail as of now.
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
How to suck at having a fashion blog: Lesson 1
There's clearly ample blogs out there which already do a perfectly good job of this on their own, however we feel that a certain blog in particular tops the lot. It shall remain nameless, apart from those of you who already know anyway.
By the way my chronic hair pain makes it very difficult to type, not that I like to go on about being disabled but you know sometimes i feel it just has to be mentioned. and exxagerated to get free moneyz.
Item 1 - The Banner.
Now, as you all know the banner is the first thing you see on a blog. It's even better if it's squashed to the point where you look like you have Down's. [Edit - this is Josh typing, not Jacki. Although the sentiment stands]
Here is an example of a perfectly fine one.
Despite this being a piss take, I still look ten times better in this mismatched outfit. And like I have no physical disability. Worryingly, this looks suits. I shall not be wearing it again.
Item 2 - Exaggeration
Sometimes it's good to exxagerate. By the way did you know I have leprosy? Of the brain. Did you know I was disabled because i bring it up at every opportunity, but you know me i don't go on about things. As this photo clearly shows, I make disabilities sexy. I wonder if my frozen leg is obvious in this picture. It sometimes likes to kick people randomly, I told my doctor about this and he gave me free printing credits. Because that's clearly what I need.
Item 3 - How to make everyone hate you by being the most attractive person in your society (Provided you live in a bin)
I feel that by cocking my leg up like a dog makes me somehow look taller, and my forehead look smaller. This style is totally my own and I did in no way copy it from my ex best friend who said apparently there's no such thing as Penisism. Don'cha wish your girlfriend was as smart as me? Now i'm knot the smartest person in the world, but i fink that i proper am really. I don't like talking to people who are stupider than me, or to people with a lesser degree such as physics. Also i like to put random apostrophes in things which don't require the'm. I also, do, this with, commas.
I occasionally like to try my hand at writing, and i know i'm proper good but no one seems to want to publish me. Clearly, they are jealous of my amazing talent.
Here's an example of my own work which is totally my own.
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory Pallum isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING DISABILITY!!” I shouted and then I limped away on my shoes that are too high and that i can't walk in.
Item 4 -How to make yourself irresistable to every living male on earth.
Top - found in a bin. I shop here often. I like to sift through the trash with my forehead to see if i can pick up any bargains.
Trousers - made whilst I was wallowing in my own self pity about how i'm unable to do anything at all apart from writing crap that nobody reads.
Socks - Used condoms. I like to recycle.
In order to keep your man, you should find a shitty excuse to not have sex. That will keep him tantalizingly yours and stuck to you for eternity. You should also seperate him from his friends, even if they are single celled organisms. You should also treat him like a Serf.
Also, I self-diagnosed myself with asthma again the other day. I'll add it to my list of diseases which is currently taller than I am. I hope you feel more informed on how to write a blog now.
[And for those actually interested, Jacki wears:
Hat and gloves- Sazzy's Accessories
White shirt - Tally Weijl
Blue top - H & M
Jeans, shoes, necklace, pink skater belt - New Look
Zip belt - Henry Holland @ Debenhams
Saz wears:
Cardigan, top, tights, socks - New Look (not Camden Market)
Shorts - Henry Holland @ Debenhams
Shoes and necklace - Jacki's Accessories
Rings - Sazzy's own
Josh wears:
Stuff]
By the way my chronic hair pain makes it very difficult to type, not that I like to go on about being disabled but you know sometimes i feel it just has to be mentioned. and exxagerated to get free moneyz.
Item 1 - The Banner.
Now, as you all know the banner is the first thing you see on a blog. It's even better if it's squashed to the point where you look like you have Down's. [Edit - this is Josh typing, not Jacki. Although the sentiment stands]
Here is an example of a perfectly fine one.
Item 2 - Exaggeration
Item 3 - How to make everyone hate you by being the most attractive person in your society (Provided you live in a bin)
I feel that by cocking my leg up like a dog makes me somehow look taller, and my forehead look smaller. This style is totally my own and I did in no way copy it from my ex best friend who said apparently there's no such thing as Penisism. Don'cha wish your girlfriend was as smart as me? Now i'm knot the smartest person in the world, but i fink that i proper am really. I don't like talking to people who are stupider than me, or to people with a lesser degree such as physics. Also i like to put random apostrophes in things which don't require the'm. I also, do, this with, commas.
I occasionally like to try my hand at writing, and i know i'm proper good but no one seems to want to publish me. Clearly, they are jealous of my amazing talent.
Here's an example of my own work which is totally my own.
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory Pallum isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING DISABILITY!!” I shouted and then I limped away on my shoes that are too high and that i can't walk in.
Item 4 -How to make yourself irresistable to every living male on earth.
Top - found in a bin. I shop here often. I like to sift through the trash with my forehead to see if i can pick up any bargains.
Trousers - made whilst I was wallowing in my own self pity about how i'm unable to do anything at all apart from writing crap that nobody reads.
Socks - Used condoms. I like to recycle.
In order to keep your man, you should find a shitty excuse to not have sex. That will keep him tantalizingly yours and stuck to you for eternity. You should also seperate him from his friends, even if they are single celled organisms. You should also treat him like a Serf.
Also, I self-diagnosed myself with asthma again the other day. I'll add it to my list of diseases which is currently taller than I am. I hope you feel more informed on how to write a blog now.
[And for those actually interested, Jacki wears:
Hat and gloves- Sazzy's Accessories
White shirt - Tally Weijl
Blue top - H & M
Jeans, shoes, necklace, pink skater belt - New Look
Zip belt - Henry Holland @ Debenhams
Saz wears:
Cardigan, top, tights, socks - New Look (not Camden Market)
Shorts - Henry Holland @ Debenhams
Shoes and necklace - Jacki's Accessories
Rings - Sazzy's own
Josh wears:
Stuff]
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