How to suck at having a fashion blog: Lesson 1

There's clearly ample blogs out there which already do a perfectly good job of this on their own, however we feel that a certain blog in particular tops the lot. It shall remain nameless, apart from those of you who already know anyway.
By the way my chronic hair pain makes it  very difficult to type, not that I like to go on about being disabled but you know sometimes i feel it just has to be mentioned. and exxagerated to get free moneyz.

Item 1 - The Banner.
Now, as you all know the banner is the first thing you see on a blog. It's even better if it's squashed to the point where you look like you have Down's. [Edit - this is Josh typing, not Jacki. Although the sentiment stands]
Here is an example of a perfectly fine one.

Despite this being a piss take, I still look ten times better in this mismatched outfit. And like I have no physical disability. Worryingly, this looks suits. I shall not be wearing it again.


Item 2 - Exaggeration

Sometimes it's good to exxagerate. By the way did you know I have leprosy? Of the brain. Did you know I was disabled because i bring it up at every opportunity, but you know me i don't go on about things. As this photo clearly shows, I make disabilities sexy. I wonder if my frozen leg is obvious in this picture. It sometimes likes to kick people randomly, I told my doctor about this and he gave me free printing credits. Because that's clearly what I need.


Item 3 - How to make everyone hate you by being the most attractive person in your society (Provided you live in a bin)

I feel that by cocking my leg up like a dog makes me somehow look taller, and my forehead look smaller. This style is totally my own and I did in no way copy it from my ex best friend who said apparently there's no such thing as Penisism. Don'cha wish your girlfriend was as smart as me? Now i'm knot the smartest person in the world, but i fink that i proper am really. I don't like talking to people who are stupider than me, or to people with a lesser degree such as physics. Also i like to put random apostrophes in things which don't require the'm. I also, do, this with, commas.

I occasionally like to try my hand at writing, and i know i'm proper good but no one seems to want to publish me. Clearly, they are jealous of my amazing talent.
Here's an example of my own work which is totally my own.

 “Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory Pallum isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING DISABILITY!!” I shouted and then I limped away on my shoes that are too high and that i can't walk in.


Item 4 -How to make yourself irresistable to every living male on earth.

Top - found in a bin. I shop here often. I like to sift through the trash with my forehead to see if i can pick up any bargains.
Trousers - made whilst I was wallowing in my own self pity about how i'm unable to do anything at all apart from writing crap that nobody reads.
Socks - Used condoms. I like to recycle.

In order to keep your man, you should find a shitty excuse to not have sex. That will keep him tantalizingly yours and stuck to you for eternity. You should also seperate him from his friends, even if they are single celled organisms. You should also treat him like a Serf.
Also, I self-diagnosed myself with asthma again the other day. I'll add it to my list of diseases which is currently taller than I am. I hope you feel more informed on how to write a blog now.

[And for those actually interested, Jacki wears:
Hat  and gloves- Sazzy's Accessories
White shirt - Tally Weijl
Blue top - H & M
Jeans, shoes, necklace, pink skater belt - New Look
Zip belt - Henry Holland @ Debenhams

Saz wears:
Cardigan, top, tights, socks - New Look (not Camden Market)
Shorts - Henry Holland @ Debenhams
Shoes and necklace - Jacki's Accessories
Rings - Sazzy's own

Josh wears:
Stuff]