XOXO You know you've missed us!

Well my adoring fans, I know you've missed me - heck my loyal legions were even causing a bit of a riot for my return round by my fabulous new mansion chez de fashion darling! So other than keeping myself fabulous, what else have I been doing you ask? I know you're all dying to know! Well......

I'm engaged!!!! I plan to base my relationship on Liz Jones of the Daily Fail; her fashion posts inspire me greatly. My ring is 50 carat platinum setting and the stone is only found in Mordor (the moon, natch.) Far better than Frodo's you'll agree.

Josh was so disappointed/annoyed. So disappointed he turned to blue slush and accidently OD-ed on the S-Bahn to the Reeperbahn. However, he recoverd after learning he had not left me unmarked......

The father of James' baby is another mystery all together. Jeremy Kyle will sadly be acquiring our business shortly before Christmas. Could we get the wind for a DNA test?

But in all honesty, we spent some time down by the coast, practising our windswept look.

We also practised our S.Lancey/J.smithy/P.Middy poses - no bussle or wind needed. Purely a wall. And a flattering dress and shoes :)

We decided we should get arty and physical, both at the same time in some cases.

Cubby holes are the best place to stretch, dontcha know?

Zumba - the perfect way to perfect accentuate one's hips and stubby arms.

We even tried some sport. How does my customised cane look? The only balls I'll be getting close to for a while, that's for sure!

On the subject of accessories, check out my new bag (pun entirely intended)!

Sadly I can't fit my cats into it. However, it may make a fabulous hat. I am so creative!

I've heard so much recently about feminism. I've even learnt how to spell it and to give a vague definition. A very vague definition. Seeing as, there is no set definition anymore. I've just done the impossible - this is why I am such a good writer - in your face patriarchy! But in all honesty, who doesn't want to look good for a man? (Apart from lesbians, obviously).

See? Look good and the men will fall for you. Even the gay ones.

See? He fell for us. And landed in the other prime gay position :)

Well followers, I hope that has satisfied your aching desire to see me, I know that's what that burning feeling in your stomach is, it's pure adoration for yours truly (because I can use another way of saying me because I'm the next Steffy Myer baby)!



Keep your eyes peeled for more posts, I'm like cramps - I come once a month!




XOXO You know you (and your boyfriends) want me!